Sorry, DC..!!

I don't know how common this is, but for me, the main problem is that I feel disconnected from everyone and everything.

I have a few people out there who I care about, or who care about me, but no real intimacy with anyone. Worse yet, this is a long term pattern with me, it's been going on for enough years that it's quite possible I will be feeling this for the rest of my life.

This totally sucks.

I would like to have friends I could be truly close to, someone that I could be emotionally in love with, but I'm psychologically fucked up enough that I don't know how to make this happen other than faking which I became a master of since I realized this issue.

I am sick of faking and I instantly recognize the non faking moments when they rarely happen, but then I would already have used the preferences of a fake moment that includes but not limited to the shape of face and tone of voice and even a teardrop if the situation required it.

But in the end, is there any way to have meaning in your life when you're disconnected from everyone?

I really don't think so.